Never Let Go

I am officially incapable of making up my own mind. I'll convince myself that I don't need Jacob, because he's already so much my friend why should I need anything else? He's leaving and there is nothing left to salvage or improve. There is nothing I CAN do. So I tell myself, ok, we're done. I'm going to let the friend thing stand. And stand strong. Then I tell Adam that I'm giving up. And always he looks at me and asks, "Why?" It's almost accusatory, yet understanding, and then I begin to ask myself all over again. Why? Why would I give up? It isn't like he did anything. Who else is there besides Adam that I could even bring myself to like? And then I see Jacob again, and he says something, whether simple or not, but behind it I detect such sincerity that it cements my love for him all over again, until my mind can begin to chip it away. Then I'll tell Adam I can't, and he says, "Again?" But he knows I won't be able to stop liking Jacob until he leaves, and maybe not even after that. Because no matter what I tell myself, there is something about being around Jacob that makes me feel like I can say whatever I want, that makes me simply, inexplicably happy, even if we aren't doing anything. And he won’t judge me for it. That’s so hard to find.

I hope to god Adam never shows him this. Or at least waits until he's on the other half of the world.

Ok enough of that. Soooo....

I just got lemon ice cream from the ice cream man. Apparently we have new neighbors (across the street, darn) because they came out to. Seem nice enough. Soccer's started up again, and we all got punished severely with running for not exercising over spring break. Hey, at least I went once. I went running with Jacob towards the end, and we went off base in the woods. It was so pretty...actual trees....

We got our report cards today, because we didn't have school, just parent teacher conferences. I got all A's, one A-. *gasp* The principal says if my Terra Nova scores were good, and my grades A's all year in language arts, *cough A+ cough* then she will let me take AP English next year. WHOOOOOO!! I mean...AHHHHHHH NOOOOO!!

I'm going to go get my hair cut next week with Jacob and our moms. How should I get it cut? Ideas people. It's really long now, and I kinda like it that way....

I've been so ecstatic ever since my parents told me I could go home. It's like nothing, not even Ms. Flavan, can get me down, because I have this bubbly feeling inside of me that puts everything into perspective. Like, After this year I'll never see you losers again AND I'm leaving the country! Neh neh neh neh NEH neh.

Heh heh. But seriously, when I feel like throwing something at her when she tells me to study for the memory map, or when Mr. Rausch tells us to play "Lightly Latin" AGAIN, I just smile and daydream about jumping in the lake. Ahhhhh....